Hidden Truths, Lost Friends, Real Ghosts & Choosing Freedom: My First Pod-versation Just. Went. Live!

The interview that follows is one of the most interesting connections I've had with a stranger with Chicago's very own Tim Smith on his podcast Mouth to Mouth Pod.

Tim and I met about 20 minutes before sitting down at the mics. What I mean by "met" is I retreated into my crab shell, sipped water in his apartment, and silently flipped through books on his bookshelf as his girlfriend's crew got ready to go out for a birthday dinner and drinks. 

Once we were one-on-one, I felt safe to chat, and we talked like we were old friends. In 85 minutes we discuss:

~Soul Readings & Reiki Healing

~Seasonal Affective Disorder and Sexuality

~ Marriage and Music

~ Sadza Muriwo Nyama (Zimbabwean dish), and much, much more!

In the intro Tim talks about Easter weekend, gluttony, his birthday and Domino's Pizza. Enjoy!

http://www.mouthtomouthpod.com/blog/2017/4/18/episode-13-tenille-dukes     

Getaway Car: Escaping Abusive Relationships

Two dark figures made violent, jerking movements further and further into the darkness of an abandoned parking lot.  From the backseat of my aunt's car, my ears tuned in to a woman's panicked shrieking.  

It was November 2015. I had just finished our annual post-Thanksgiving dinner shopping trip with my aunt, pregnant cousin, and wife.  We were driving out of the parking lot when I noticed a man, his face twisted into a horrific expression dragging a woman away from the well-lit, big box store towards the dark, desolate part of a strip mall.  He was choking her, spitting harsh words at her as they stumbled along. 

"Can we go over there...see if she needs help?", I asked.  My aunt hit the gas and stopped right alongside them.  The car's headlights illuminating both the man and the woman.  I rolled the window down, "Do you need help? Do you want to come with us?"

She paused.  The man gripping her roughly took advantage of her hesitation, "Do you want to go with them?!!", he growled, jerking his face towards us.  She shook her head "no" like a frightened child. 

She stayed.

Ladies. Men. Humans. Listen here.

No one hits you, nor forces sex on you, nor calls you mean names "because they love you".  Get clear about your needs and how you want to feel.  (I can hear someone's ego piping up - questioning if you're even worthy of considering your own needs. Ego can shut up and sit down. Your worthiness is not a question here. It is fact.)

You are worthy of having your needs met.

Know that The Universe will work with Spirit to give you exactly what you believe in your heart is possible so crystallize that beautiful vision. See it. Feel it. Breathe it. Plot out the baby steps. Do it.

You are so not alone.  Your posse of Ancestors, Guides, Angels, and Teachers are with you all the time.  You roll deep!  Call on them. Tell them what you need.  Listen for that voice that's sometimes quiet as a whisper and other times as loud as a car full of women asking if you need us to help you escape.

It is your birth right (a right that you own because your soul chose to return to this earthly plane in flesh and bone) to love and be loved.

If you are not receiving Love that lights you up (NOTE: Because Love is of Light, it has no choice but to illuminate both the giver and receiver) GET TOGETHER A PLAN TO MOVE UP AND MOVE ON.

Next time The Universe sends a getaway car, hop in.

I pray for you, my sister.

Infinite X's and O's,

Amishah 

 

All Mine

We shared a body once.

You probably remember it more vividly than I do.  It was that time when I was growing inside you... you know, after someone siphoned sperm into your vaginal canal.  The details of where the sperm came from is important, but not for this conversation.  This.  This conversation is about you. And me.

You allowed me to stay in your body.  Every time you fed you, you fed me.  We ate the same things, drank the same things, smoked the same things.  I was a captive audience, a fish in a bowl submerged in your stress and joy.

Ya feel me?  I literally felt you.

Umbilical cord. Connection. The ties that bind.

That tie was cut the day I was born.

Yet here we are - me a 20-something, 30-something, 40-something. You a 40-something, 50 something, 60 something, 70 something, and I still wonder.

Are your pitfalls destined to be my pitfalls?

Did I inherit your Achilles' Heel?

I forget and then remember:

I am not you.

I never have been.

And never will be.

My soul is mine and mine alone.

We shared a body once.

 

Unforgiveness: Try Not to Hurt Yo'self

Hello Love,

Let’s just all take a deep breath in right now and allow that exhale to sail out of our pretty mouths with an audible sigh.  Don’t it feel real good to just take a second from all the scrolling and tab opening to re-center?

Here’s the deal – I’m picking up on a trend and feeling inspired to write to you about unforgiveness.  Letting go of.  Cutting off.  Blaming.  Dragging…yourself.

Think back on your formative years.  Where were you? And what were you doing at 21, 18, 16, maybe even 13 or 14 that you feel present-day guilt or shame about? Maybe you were:

Binging and purging (like I was).  Eating to fill a void.  Chasing someone else’s plan for your life.  Giving your body to any ol’ body that crossed your path.  Creepin’ with someone else’s partner.  Creepin’ on your own partner.  Drinking or drugging yourself numb.  Contorting your beautiful spirit into grotesque shapes to accommodate parents, “friends”, uncles, aunts, neighbors, teachers.  Tolerating an abusive relationship (Btw, accepting verbal disrespect, physical disrespect, emotional disrespect, psychological disrespect, spiritual disrespect all count as ab-use.)

Take a breath.

Let’s just say you did dishonor yourself.  It could’ve been once or a million times.  Years have passed, but you punish yourself as if it happened today.   Instead of reaching out to that young person in your memory with compassion, you tell them, “I don’t know you. You’re shameful and a mar on my life story. You’re so stupid.  What were you thinking to get involved with (fill in the blank)!” The tone is demanding and accusatory.  Young You cowers and cries and begs Present You to love and forgive them now.

What if you really did ask Young You, “What were you thinking to get involved with (fill in the blank)?” Sit quietly. Listen to her/his/its response. Don’t interrupt. Just listen.  Plot out what you will do differently should you encounter that situation again. If possible, make amends. Hug and thank each other for the lesson learned.

And then…

CALL ALL YOUR POWER BACK TO YOU.

Stand up, with your arms open wide, and with authority in your voice say at least three times (although I would probably do it eight times because eight is my favorite number) say,

“I call all my power back to me.”

How does that feel? Amazing? Corny? Corny but amazing?

Here’s the thing, Love, you’ve been walking around feeble and spiritless, driving on fumes and wondering why you don’t have the strength to ascend to the celestial height of your dreams.  Feeling your strength return to you might seem unnatural at first, but give it another try.  Take a deep breath, assume your power pose, maybe even close your eyes this time.   In your mind’s eye, try envisioning your power as a warm bright light. Now summon all of your power back to you.

Repeat as often as necessary.

Infinite X’s and O’s,

Amisha

8 Questions

I get it!

You’re God.

You’re Goddess.

Your innate creator gets off having successfully created and raised a human being from infancy to adulthood.  No one starved. No one drowned. You found us after losing us at Wal-mart. We made it through high school, and now…

I’m not who you hoped I’d be.  And if I’m being honest, you’re not who I hoped you’d be.

Now what? Do our expectations even matter if they weren’t based on facts?

Can we start over? Can we put aside our pre-conceived notions of each other long enough to introduce ourselves as the women that we currently are? 

Is it possible for us to be friends? Maybe.  Maybe if we give ourselves the time to journey together and the space to be close, maybe we could be friendly – catching up over brunch once a month, smiling genuine smiles at each other, and hugging because we care for one another.  I’m open to this arrangement, and at the same time I know that it’s hard, maybe even impossible, to sustain a new relationship on the back of an old paradigm. 

But what if, me, the person that I am today – fun, loving, psychic, married to my dreamboat of a woman – is not the kind of person you would call “friend”?  What if our familial tie, our blood bond, is not enough to compel you to even like me?

What do we have? Maybe we have nothing and maybe that’s okay.

No hate. No fear. No judgement.

Nothing.

Nothing sounds like a pretty good place to start.

I’m ready whenever you are.

What about you, Lovely Reader?  Tell me about one relationship you would love to start over.  In this new version of the relationship, what are 2 intentions you would bring to the table to keep Love and Light at the forefront?

Infinite X's and O's,

Amishah