Unforgiveness: Try Not to Hurt Yo'self

Hello Love,

Let’s just all take a deep breath in right now and allow that exhale to sail out of our pretty mouths with an audible sigh.  Don’t it feel real good to just take a second from all the scrolling and tab opening to re-center?

Here’s the deal – I’m picking up on a trend and feeling inspired to write to you about unforgiveness.  Letting go of.  Cutting off.  Blaming.  Dragging…yourself.

Think back on your formative years.  Where were you? And what were you doing at 21, 18, 16, maybe even 13 or 14 that you feel present-day guilt or shame about? Maybe you were:

Binging and purging (like I was).  Eating to fill a void.  Chasing someone else’s plan for your life.  Giving your body to any ol’ body that crossed your path.  Creepin’ with someone else’s partner.  Creepin’ on your own partner.  Drinking or drugging yourself numb.  Contorting your beautiful spirit into grotesque shapes to accommodate parents, “friends”, uncles, aunts, neighbors, teachers.  Tolerating an abusive relationship (Btw, accepting verbal disrespect, physical disrespect, emotional disrespect, psychological disrespect, spiritual disrespect all count as ab-use.)

Take a breath.

Let’s just say you did dishonor yourself.  It could’ve been once or a million times.  Years have passed, but you punish yourself as if it happened today.   Instead of reaching out to that young person in your memory with compassion, you tell them, “I don’t know you. You’re shameful and a mar on my life story. You’re so stupid.  What were you thinking to get involved with (fill in the blank)!” The tone is demanding and accusatory.  Young You cowers and cries and begs Present You to love and forgive them now.

What if you really did ask Young You, “What were you thinking to get involved with (fill in the blank)?” Sit quietly. Listen to her/his/its response. Don’t interrupt. Just listen.  Plot out what you will do differently should you encounter that situation again. If possible, make amends. Hug and thank each other for the lesson learned.

And then…


Stand up, with your arms open wide, and with authority in your voice say at least three times (although I would probably do it eight times because eight is my favorite number) say,

“I call all my power back to me.”

How does that feel? Amazing? Corny? Corny but amazing?

Here’s the thing, Love, you’ve been walking around feeble and spiritless, driving on fumes and wondering why you don’t have the strength to ascend to the celestial height of your dreams.  Feeling your strength return to you might seem unnatural at first, but give it another try.  Take a deep breath, assume your power pose, maybe even close your eyes this time.   In your mind’s eye, try envisioning your power as a warm bright light. Now summon all of your power back to you.

Repeat as often as necessary.

Infinite X’s and O’s,